"21 Guns" - Copyright Green Day... (Hopefully, they won't mind this use)

Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away and you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside,
you're in ruins

One, 21 Guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 Guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I ...

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass and the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last, you're in ruins

One, 21 Guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 Guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I ...

Did you try to live on your own?
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand to close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone
When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died, you're in ruins

One, 21 Guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 Guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I ...

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I saw her today; I was about to leave the store. I would’ve been out before she got there but the battery died on my MP3 player. I stare down, pretending like I didn't see her. It’s hard to get over someone when fate or coincidence or something continually throws us together at the same time. She stops in front of me and makes a huge, over-exaggerated wave, almost in slow motion; "his" mom was with her. She walks away and I slip the battery cover back on.

I almost just walk out, instead, my legs betray me and I walk over to her at the drink fountain and ask why she's so social all of the sudden. She laughed and "What? I'm just being me."
I blow an abrupt “heh”.
She said a week on the mountain did her good.
Awkward pause.
I notice it her hair thinning in the front; it would appear she’s starting to bald. My stomach cramps at the reminder that I’m really not that attracted to her… so why am I so drawn to her? I blush with shame and self-hatred at that thought. But that was and remains the bitter root of the truth; I have never really been attracted to her.

No time for an answer as she turns away; I counter by I walking out. I stop a few feet out the door and about-face; I slowly walk to and sit on the paint-faded bench out front. My brain suddenly kicks into high gear, and my head echoes with thoughts.

You idiot, just go home.
Stay here, at least try.
You’re wasting your time.

She walks out with her fountain Pepsi.
"You still here?"
Still looking at the ground, "No, I'm just an illusion."

She shoved me playfully and brushed the hair out of her face. My thoughts drowned out whatever she said. She waves at me.

I blurt, “What does it matter, you don't give a crap anyway?"
They open the car doors and start getting in. She pauses, a bit taken back, and maybe … hurt (?)

"I do too, I waved."
More firmly. "You don't give a crap."
"I love you lots so quit being a little shit."
Right. I just shake my head and look at the ground. I’ve never had a girl say that about me, not in person, to my face… but if she means it, why does she ignore unless we run into each other?
"What, I don' t care because I’m not hanging all over you?"
"Yeah, you care. There's a difference between waving at someone and hanging on them... You didn't even wave to me the other day at the post office, I was only like
two feet away."
"I must not have seen you, if I had seen you I would have waved… and stopped and
talked."
Bullshit.

“His” mom pipes up, "She's had a lot on her mind…"
I just shake my head and look away she continues.
"I know I'm in a lot of pain and sometimes it's so bad my son could be right in front of me and I wouldn't see him."
If she’s that distracted, she shouldn’t be driving. Just spare me the crap, please. It’s been four months and she hasn’t called me or shown the slightest bit that she does actually care.

I look down, shaking my head and they drive off. I sit a few minutes
I’m such an ass… but she really doesn’t care. I know it.
and I walk home.

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Now, I know I’m not the best guy in the world. I have my fair share of flaws, probably more than I should, but I treat her better than she’s (probably) ever been treated. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that even her mother has given up on her. Yes, today, I was more than just cold; I was downright arctic to her. But is it really wrong to expect someone who “Loves me lots,” to contact me sometime during those four months? Is it fair for me to keep my heart, not only singled out for only her, but in ruins without any real sign that she does care? Am I being selfish to want someone who wants me as much as I want them? Does such a thing even exist? Or do I just need to go to a psychiatrist; am I just crazy? How can I lay down my arms when it seems so much like fate is trying to keep me in her face?

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